Revenge is Sweet
by yamihawkeye
Summary: What happens when the tolerance point on Yuuna is finally passed?
1. Chapter 1

Guess what kiddies? Mike is back. With a story that she's acutally almsot completed before she posted this time! SO SHE'S SURE TO FINISH IT! YAY!

You guys: Sure...

I WILL! I WILL! Let's cut to the chase, shall we? I don't own GS/GSD. End of that happy story.

* * *

**Revenge is Sweet**  
**by: yamihawkeye**

_Chapter 1: So it begins..._

"Yuuna Roma Seylan, you must die!" In the middle of Gundam Seed Destiny, Michele "Mike" leapt out of her seat and shook her fist angrily at the screen. Oh yes, that purple haired… thing… had once again made an appearance. Her friend, Tina, sighed. Yup, she knew she shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. Mike was going to come up with a crazy plan any second now… three… two…

"Hey, think we could kill the bastard?"

Actually, that didn't sound completely crazy.

"Mike, you can't. You're grounded, remember?"

"Oh, right. Well then, Yuuna Roma Seylan, you die tomorrow!"

"That's when you're grounded for trimming the hedges to say 'Burn in Hell Barney!'… Same goes for the rest of the week until Friday." Tina had magically whipped out a planner and was reading out of it.

"Then what was today's punishment?"

"Calling your grandma fat." Tina groaned and Mike winced.

"I'm just sick of the oversized sweaters every Christmas! …Is the weekend free to go a-killing?"

Tina flipped through the pages. "Nothing from you, but last month I was grounded into the next century for that A- I got on my quiz." Mike just rolled her eyes and Tina shrugged. "It's a repercussion of being Asian. Anyway, if you killed someone your mom would punish you into the next millennium… plus garbage duty. If you're lucky, she'll shave off fifty years, since the world is better off without that scum."

"But it's more like a public service! It's for the greater good!" Mike declared. "So send out the GSD signal Alfred! Tonight we will fly!"

"Two things. One, my name is Tina. Two, we can't shoot up a beam into the sky. Unlike in Batman, the sky isn't clear every night. The light won't show up in the pouring rain! Why don't we just call instead?"

"Call? Are you mad! Do you have any idea how much the bill will be!"

"Email then?"

"…Okay."

* * *

**The Weekend**

Mike stood above a huge assembly of people. All had twitching eyes from staring at TVs all night long, were mumbling nonsensical phrases in Japanese, and were spazzing out from Final Fantasy marathon withdrawl- they were away from the controller for 2+ minutes. A few even broke out into Japanese song and dance. Some jumped about attacking people while shouting ridiculous phrases such as, "Jump-twirling-slow-mo-kick!" or "I-can't-think-of-anything-to-call-this-but-everyone-knows-all-attacks-have-to-be-announced-while-doing-them-so-I-just-shouted-this-punch!" Yup, they're anime fans. And more specifically, GS/GSD fans.

"Good evening!" Mike bellowed into a bullhorn, "I called you all here today because there is a problem in the GS Universe! I problem named Yuuna Roma Seylan!"

A roar rumbled throughout the crowd. Tina took the bullhorn.

"Quiet please! We all hate him-" Tina was cut off.

"That's not true!" There was a collective gasp in the crowd. "I like me…" It was Yuuna's voice actor.

"HOW DARE YOU! I know you feel obligated to be proud of him, but think of it- he's tearing apart what the show is about- ASUCAGA!" one fan screeched.

"Uhhh… what about the giant robot battles which somehow carry a message of peace while shooting people's heads off?" Mike asked.

"That's all filler."

"Oh, okay."

"And how can you stand his purple mullet (which is so 1970 AD I might add). It totally clashes with his outfit." Everyone turned to stare at that girl before glaring at the said voice actor again. So there was an anime fan that still cared about her appearance and fashion? No worries; that will all pass once she starts wearing Naruto headbands and cosplays in spandex flight suits. Besides, she made a VERY good point.

The fans began to bombard him:

"How can you listen to your whiney voice!"

"He wanted to marry Cagalli!"

"He hated co-coordinators!"

"He wanted to MARRY CAGALLI!"

"Fugly pig!"

"Fat-ass father!"

"DID I MENTION HE WANTED TO F'ING MARRY CAGALLI!"

"…" He blinked as realization dawned on him. "You're right! Let's go kick my ass!"

"Settle down!" Mike yelled. Calm slowly restored. "Now, I'm picking a crew to join me on my quest of punishing Yuuna. These images I'm about to show you may discourage some of you, and possibly- most likely- scar you for life. Thus, if you are faint of heart, please leave." Only a few souls exited the room. "Thank you. Tina, if you could start the slideshow please…"

Insert horribly graphic footage of Yuuna picking his nose here

Everyone shuddered as the slideshow came to an end, a more than a couple of people were twitching. Dead, shocked silence reigned in the hall.

Mike summoned the will to speak again, "If you are frightened, please leave. If you have had a heart attack, please remain motionless on the floor. Medical personnel will be with you shortly. Everyone else, follow Tina into the waiting room!"

* * *

Was I on cloud when I wrote this? Hmmm... nah. Maybe it was pocky... Pffft, who cares. I'll try to update every week or so.

_**REVIEW DARLINGS! **_


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Mike: YOU LIKE ME! TWO PEOPLE LIKE ME! YAY! Mel and Sky, there's a treat in here for you.

Shinn: Because that's more people who like her stories than anytime else in her life.

Mike: Oh, shut up.

Anyway, I would like to warn any yaoi fans that there will contain some bashing of those fans in this chapter. Heterosexual couples are my personal preference, though if it is _canon_ I support it. However, it _isn't_ canon in GSD/GS. Just pointing that out. I apologize if this offends you too much. I think it is quite entertaing, but then again, I wrote this.

Superdisclaimerman: I think its obvious what Mike does and does not own.

* * *

**Revenge is Sweet  
By: yamihawkeye**

_Chapter 2: Star Trek Pwns Your Soul._

* * *

_Recap:**  
**_

_Mike summoned the will to speak again, "If you are frightened, please leave. If you have had a heart attack, please remain motionless on the floor. Medical personnel will be with you shortly. Everyone else, follow Tina into the waiting room!"_

* * *

The horde of anime fans was ushered by Tina into the waiting room. This place was truly a waiting room for a doctor. The small room's walls were painted a less-than-appealing beige, the carpet was hard, ugly, and a disgusting orange, and there were chairs lined up against the sides- but there were only enough seats for ten people. Tina and Mike went even further, adding the sounds babies crying and people coughing and sneezing; there were even two TVs playing kiddie shows like Dora the Explorer and the Wiggles over and over again! 

In short, this waiting room was the torture chamber from hell.

And across the room, there was a large, looming black door, through which all candidates passed…

Inside the interrogation room, six people were waiting. Six people who would decide their fate; would the person take part in the joy of hurting Yuuna, or would they go straight to his harem? (Well, that's a bit too cruel.) Only they decided. These six people make up the board of review!

_Dramatic music: Dun dun duuuun…_

* * *

**The Board of Review**_  
_

Mike: Head judge. Enough said. Rawr.

Tina: The smart one.

Ashley: Mike might've started the campaign, but she's scariest when it comes to Yuuna bashing, bar none. Rabid Asucaga and Cagalli fan.

Sara: Like Lacus Clyne, Sara is a kind songstress. Her friends commonly call her Pink-chan- not to be confused with the bouncing pink ball that is plotting to take over the world.

_Haro: Haro Haro! I will not accept that…You die now._

Paige: Archers _can_ be gangster, and Paige is proof. Hurrah for the penguins!

Mel: She hasn't watched Gundam SEED, but going into space without someone who actually knows something about space is just stupid.

* * *

_The 1st interviewee…_

A cautious girl stepped fearfully into the room. It was pitch black, until suddenly, a bright spotlight clicked on. A lone chair was illuminated in the harsh darkness. A haunting word echoed after,

"Sit."

The girl scurried over to do so. The board then stepped forward, light spilling eerily onto their faces.

"What is your name?" Mike hissed like a snake. But she's not a snake. She's human. One can't really hiss like a snake if they're not a snake, you know. Ahem, back on track…

"Amanda Hugginkiss."

Sara nodded, "Alright, but to make sure we all get along, we have to check what parings you like."

"I like Kiracus," Sara made a VERY large check on the list. "Mwurrue," Sara made a check on the list, but then Mike made it into a VERY large check like the one before. "…and Shinn/Athrun."

Six clipboards flew at Amanda from all directions.

"GET OUT!"

* * *

A boy entered the room next. He was undeterred by the room's settings and happenings and slid into the chair with a saunter.

"Hi, I'm Briant, and I think you guys should like, totally step into the light or something because the dimness is doing _nothing _for your complexion."

Wearily the board glanced at each other before completely exposing their faces and clothes in the light. Upon seeing them, he glanced disdainfully and Mike and Ashley; Briant didn't even try to hide his dislike as he wrinkled his nose at the two.

"Ugh," he winced, pointing at Mike and Ashley, "You gals need a new wardrobe. The Naruto headband is totally tacky," Here Ashley chained herself down willingly to keep herself from tearing through the reckless, moronic candidate, "and as for you," he gestured to Mike, "have you considered girl's clothes? You make me want to throw up all over my new, suede Este Lauder ensemble." Mike joined Ashley in the corner.

Tina scowled at the boy. "Let's make this quick. What are your favorite pairings?"

"Asukira is the best thing to happen since sliced bread!"

There were ear-splitting shrieks, followed by the girls retching on the ground.

"Uh, I'll take that as a no dice." He muttered, and quickly slipped out to some spa date he had. Ashley sighed and unchained herself.

"Wow, a yaoi fanboy. I wonder if he's…" They all looked at each other.

"Nah…"

"Erm, guys?" Mike called over. "Mind unlocking these things? I kind of went overboard on the restraints and I can't get out." No response and the others just took their positions for when the next candidate would come in. "Guys? Guys!" Nothing. "Ooo, you are all _so_ dead… as soon as I get out of here…"

* * *

After a few other candidates had all failed due to liking yaoi, the six realized that something clearly had to be done. Paige was nominated to go out and make the announcement. Mike would do it, (as she is teh head) but she was still under confinement.

"Ahem!" Paige called over the discontented masses stuck in the waiting room. "If anyone here likes yaoi or yuri, please leave." About half of the crowd glared at her in protest. "Let me rephrase that, get out the door before I whip out my purple tutu and go gangster on all of your butts- thanks." The delusional people quickly filed out the door. All, that is, except for one small, red-haired girl...

"Problem adverted!" Paige smiled, hopping back into the interrogation room. "Send it the next victim- erm, possible crew member!"

* * *

The next victim- erm, possible crew member- was a tall, gangly girl. She slipped, quite literally, into the chamber.

"Sit!" Ashley hissed, her voice low and demonic, before taking on the happier bipolar tone. "We're happy to have you here today, but you just need to answer a few questions first! What's your name?"

"Indy Nile." Here, everyone smirked.

"What is your favorite couple?"

"Dearka and Miriallia, but I'll tolerate Tolle and Milly if necessary." The girls nodded.

"Good, good…"

"I also like Fllay and Sai, Kira and Cagalli-" the poor girl did not have a chance to say anymore before she was grabbed by Ashley.

"Oh, you're in denial alright- in denial of the fact that those two are twins!" She dragged Indy out the door. "Let this be a message to all you incest lovers- stay out!" A few people straggled away, disappointed

* * *

_A few candidates later…_

A girl nick-named Mel strolled happily into the room. Upon sight, all six of the judges could tell she was an Athrun fan. Mostly because of the blazing neon sign flashing "Athrun fan!" above her head.

_Oh great…_ Mel, the judge, groaned inwardly. If there was anything at all she had picked up from watching her friends rant about Gundam SEED, there was probably going to be a fight over Athrun very soon.

"Hello," the non-anime-but-still-really-cool girl greeted the other. "I have to ask you a few questions. First of all, what is your name?"

"Mel, Mel-chan, either is fine. It's a nickname." Mel's, or rather, the first Mel's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"You can't be Mel, I'm Mel."

"Yes…" Mel sighed.

"Yes what? Yes, you can be or yes, you can't be Mel?" Mel asked.

"Yes, I'm Mel too." Mel rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"… This isn't going to work…" Mel groaned.

"Yes…" Mel agreed.

"Yes what? Yes, it won't work or yes, it will work?" Mel inquired.

"Yes it won't work. Why do you ask questions like that?" Mel answered _and _asked.

"Why don't you speak more specifically?"

"Why don't you understand better?"

"Don't you realize that I'm one of the people deciding whether you join this crusade or not?"

"Don't you realize that I know more about this anime than you?"

"Well what-" Mel number one was abruptly cut off.

"Hey Mel?" Sara whispered, not wanting to bother them too much.

"What?" the two girls spun around to face Sara.

"Why are you guys only talking in questions?"

"…Uh, why not?" Mel number two shrugged, unsure herself.

"Alright, I'll take over from here," Tina jumped in; she realized the potential damage that this scene might cause. "Err, Mel-"

"Yeah?" the original Mel instinctively asked. "Oh right. Sorry."

"So, Mel," Tina clearly addressed the initiate, "What is your favorite pairing?"

"Asucaga!" Everyone nodded in approval. "Athrun is soooooooo amazing!" Mel number one had to clamp her hands over her ears to stop her ears from bleeding. Tina, Sara, Ashley, and Paige all squealed like fangirls at a Beatles concert. (It has been debated whether Mike squealed or not. Some say she fell asleep in the corner due to boredom.)

"I KNOW!"

"ATHRUN-SAN!"

"He's so hot!"

"Yay Athrun!"

But there became a problem when Mel (#2) accidentally sputtered,

"He's mine." Now, girls can be extremely jealous. When someone moves in on a crush, their normally sweet eyes glow a malicious red, and their fingers almost turn into claws.

"HE'S MINE!" the other girls roared, well, except for Mel numero uno anyway.

Yes, this was about to become a battle scene. A _very_ bloody one.

So, each girl proceeded to try and beat the others into a bloody pulp in the name of Athrun. Finally, when the prospect of this ending seemed bleak, a blonde girl magically appeared in the room. Her amber eyes were almost a bit cartoon-like.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! HE'S MINE!" she half-hissed and half-screamed bloody murder, bring a squeaky hammer down upon them all.

Hours later, all woke up on the floor with a splitting headache.

"Ow… what the hell happened?" Mel el segundo groaned. Everyone groggily pulled themselves off the floor.

"I don't know… and I can't really think right now." Mel the first sighed. "Uh, you're in. Just go over to the engineering crew. There'll be another girl waiting there too, named Sky."

The newest member of the ship nodded and exited the room.

"Engineering crew? Wow, nobody on engineering crew gets spotlight. They're just…there. Like in Star Trek," Paige commented.

"You know, Star Trek was on at the same time as 24 after it ended. 24 beat out the re-runs," Sara smiled.

"And Star WARS for the win," Ashley added.

A shriek of rage was emitted from the corner. Mike the Trekkie had awoken.

"ENTERPRISE COULD KICK DEATH STAR'S ASS ANY DAY AND THE MAIN CHARACTER OF 24 IS AN OLD MAN!" There was a thunderous clang as all the locks and bolts fell to the floor.

The five glanced at each other before coming to a swift conclusion.

"RUN!"

* * *

After they had calmed Mike down by reminding her that Yoda was a puppy and that she though lightsabers were the coolest weapons in the galaxy (far, far away), the girls saw several other dozen candidates, some passing with flying colors, some making them hurl flying colors. Eventually, a mousy, red-haired girl named Ariel stepped into the limelight. Yes, this is the same girl that was mentioned before- the closet yaoi fan.

"What is your name?" Mike questioned.

"Ariel," the girl replied, fidgeting.

"Really? That's not what it says on your application." She arched an eyebrow in suspicion.

"It's my middle name really. I like it better than Ima Mermaid," she supplied. Tina nodded.

"That's understandable. What are your hobbies?"

"I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain."

"Um… okay."

"And what are your favorite couples?" Paige finished.

"I like Asuki- Asucaga," Ariel caught herself in the act of admitting she liked the idea of Athrun and Kira being married. She was a smart girl, and knew to avoid mentioning any yaoi pairings in front of the judges.

"What else?" The redhead had to pause to think. What was the other commonly adored pairing that Kira was in? Was the girl Fllay…? _No,_ she thought to herself, _that's not a relationship- it's a sick and twisted mental illness._ The singer girl, Lacus! That's it!

"Kira and Lacus," Ariel added to the list. Sara gave her a thumbs up.

"Go Kiracus!"

"Dearka with Miriallia…" she said out loud, though inwardly sighed. She did support this pairing, though she shipped Yzak and Dearka out of canon.

"…and Gilbert with Talia, Shinn with Re- I mean, Stellar," she finished, pleased with her choices.

Ashley smiled. "Okay! But I'm curious; what were you going to say before Stellar?"

"Ummm… Luna?" she said hopefully.

"Oh, alright. Shinn with Luna is okay… BUT SHINN WITH STELLAR IS MOST AWESOMESTEST! Luna with Rey is a personal preference of most of us, and we'll pair Auel up with Meyrin instead of Stellar." Mike nodded in agreement.

"But those two haven't even met in the series…" _And what about Auel/Sting?_ Her mind wailed.

"Welcome to the magic of fanfiction lassie, and welcome aboard the U.S.S. BALLz. You'll be in bridge, with the rest of us important people."

"BALLz?" the newest member ventured. Was this a good idea after all? After all, a starship named BALLz… is kind of… odd.

"Bash All Lunatic Losers. Mike just added on the z for fun."

"Only because you guys wouldn't let me call it Enterprise," the said girl grumbled.

"Oh."

* * *

_Yet ANOTHER person…_

"What is your name?"

"…Zack."

"What is your quest?"

"To maim, kill, and then strangle Yuuna."

"What is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Okay. You can pass over to bridge crew._  
_

* * *

_Yet ANOTHER another person…_

"What is your name?"

"…Cody."

"What is your quest?"

"To maim, kill, and then strangle Yuuna."

"What is your favorite color?"

"Blue, no yelloooooow!"

Poor Cody was shot out of the room and into Yuuna's harem. But he even was rejected from there, which is the equivalent of hitting rock bottom, grabbing a shovel, and digging.

* * *

_But seriously folks…_

A guy walks into the interrogation room, and sees the six girls staring at him. Promptly, he says the first thing that came to his mind, which is, "What is this, a joke?"

Paige sighed, "No, it's not. Now, what's your name?"

"Ian." A girl jumped in from the waiting room, squealing.

"Why are you so hot?"

"Eh?"

"Security, please drag this intruder back to the holding cell. Otherwise known as the waiting room," Sara sighed.

"Gladly!" Mike grinned, always up for an excuse to extract pain from people.

The perpetrator was soon removed.

"Sorry about that. Fan clubs, well, you know how it is."

The board shook their heads mournfully. "No we don't."

"Oh. Sorry. Well, my favorite pairings are all traditional. Asucaga, Kira with Lacus, Mwu with Murrue and Shinn with Stellar."

"Who would pair Shiho, Nicol, Meyrin, and Rey with?" Mel asked.

"Yzak for Shiho, and Auel for Meyrin, I guess Luna with Rey, but he's kind of dead. And uh… I don't know. Nicol with a piano?"

They all smiled with approval.

"You're golden. Bridge crew please."

So Ian entered the area where the new central people were waiting and took a seat besides Zack. Fortunately, sound proof walls blocked out Ariel's seemingly random squeal…

* * *

_Other Bridge Crew members not shown include:_

Navya: A quiet girl who never talks…

Rachel: Loud, but funny.

Chris: He can be a little hard to understand when he speaks Polish. Which is pretty much all the time. And the English isn't too great either.

Erinn: Girly girl anyone?

Kenzie: Girly girl like Erinn. Only Bitchy. Too bad she had all the qualifications.

* * *

"Alright!" Mike cheered, "Now we can go Yuuna hunting." 

"Yes, we can rip his eyes out at force him to eat them, and then drink his lifeblood as he screams in terror and agony, begging to be forgiven!"

"…Ashley?"

"Is something wrong?"

"…"

* * *

_**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW **_darlings! You guys got the whole Once upon a time deal when you were kids, right? Well, I got: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Yes, my dad told me Star Trek episodes. Not fairy tales.


End file.
